Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
