Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
so let's talk penis.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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