He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
