Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
