I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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