After last night, I could never be a politician.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
