I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We had sex on a dog bed..
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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