I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
