Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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