Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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