I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
