I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
