I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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