are you still at the devil's house?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize