Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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