You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
