what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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