trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
