I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
