I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
