also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
