shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
