Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
