Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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