: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
