Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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