Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
so let's talk penis.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
