My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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