how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Randomize
