Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
