You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
