going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
