Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
