I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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