we made out on top of his cat.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize