connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
