you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
