I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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