I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
