dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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