So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
