I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
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