the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize