Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
