MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
