You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
