Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
