I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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