I didn't shave. On purpose
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
