Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
