Quick, to the slutcave!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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