Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
