I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It's blow job season.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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