1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
