I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
