Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
