Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize
