Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
