If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
