at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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