somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
