Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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