how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
