i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize