apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
