I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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