Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
FUCK WHALES
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
