You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
